…we just live in it.
It’s time we all just accepted the fact that we are mere bit players in The Oprahverse. We exist at Her pleasure. When The Oprah weeps, it rains. She is, after all, as Her talk show’s former theme song says, every woman. And every man. She contains multitudes. The Pope has The Oprah on speed dial for advice on matters of faith and morals. Do not fold, mutilate or spindle The Oprah. Daylight Savings Time was extended this year at the request of The Oprah. Every human being in Mountain Home, Idaho belongs to The Oprah by state law. During a commercial break on a recent edition of Her show, The Oprah single-handedly separated two conjoined twins backstage. A cargo cult in the South Pacific worships The Oprah as a deity. The Oprah is a robot sent back from the future to save mankind. Tibet will be freed when The Oprah says so. While it is well-known that The Oprah once gave every member of Her studio audience a new car, it is less well-known that guests who displease Her have to give Her their cars. When The Oprah lactates, Her breasts produce liquid gold.