The Cranky Media Guy

Yes, it’s official now.  The Pentagon tried to make a bomb that would turn enemy soldiers gay.  I’ll repeat that for you slowly: THE U.S. MILITARY TRIED TO PRODUCE A GAY BOMB!

OK, I know the Bush administration is having trouble keeping people these days, but have they had to resort to making Bob Mackie Secretary of Defense?  Is pink the new olive drab?  And is there any truth to the rumor that fox holes will now be called glory holes?  (Yes, I know what you’re thinking.  This IS starting to sound a little like that “comedy” show on Fox News Channel, The Half-hour News Hour.”  When the set-up is “Pentagon tried to develop a gay bomb,” what else could the jokes sound like?)

OK, one more:

Gucci tanks, here we come!

cbs5.com - Pentagon Confirms It Sought To Build A ‘Gay Bomb’

Cliff Schecter

You know, this blog is supposed to be about publicity stunts, promotions and me getting hired to invent same.  The trouble is that things that piss me off keep presenting themselves and begging me to write about them.

Yeah, it seems funny on the surface to arrest a woman for making faces at a police dog, but if you think about if for a minute, it really ain’t funny.

From my vantage point, it’s just another step along the path to making every act that can possibly be construed as objecting to any action on the part of an authority figure illegal.

I do have a suggestion for the woman in question, however, and it’s only half-unserious.  I say she goes to court and has her lawyer subpoena the dog to testify.  After all, the dog is the only one who can say whether her staring at him really made him feel intimidated, right?  The police started this joke; I think she should take it to the punchline.

To me, just the fact that Condi has to defend America against accusations that it is in decline says there’s a problem. 

For well over200 years, no rational person would have thought that the U.S. was waning (with the possible exception of the Civil War years perhaps).  Now, suddenly, that previously unthinkable notion is thinkable.

That should say something to all of us.

FOXNews.com - Rice Rejects American Decline - Politics | Republican Party | Democratic Party | Political Spectrum

iWon News - Hilton Sent Back to Jail in Hysterics

Poor Paris.  She’s all upset that the mean ol’ judge sent her to jail, then sent her BACK to jail when the nice sheriff let her out.  All she did was drive drunk without a valid license.  She cried and called for her Mommy in the courtroom.

Some think she had it coming.  Some think the authorities are treating her harshly because she’s a “celebrity” (albeit it one with no discernible talent).  I have the solution to this impass.  Redition the miserable spoiled little bitch.  You know, EXTRAORDINARY RENDITION, like we do to alleged terrorists.  They haven’t even been found guilty.  She has.

Think of the message shipping Paris Hilton to a country that tortures prisoners would send to the world. 

“We’re America!  We send spoiled heiresses to torture nations for DUI, be-yotch!  What do you think we’ll do to you if we find out you’re a terrorist?”

I can see Al Queda shaking in their boots already. 

Suit up, Paris.  You’re going for a plane ride.  No, don’t bother packing your makeup and passport.  You won’t need them where you’re going.

Poor Paris Hilton…

The Sydney Morning Herald: Psychiatrist Rushes To See Paris

Awww, poor baby!  Would she feel as bad if she had run someone over while she was driving drunk?  This spoiled little bitch is getting what she deserves.  Less, actually.  Suck it up, Paris!  (No, I’m not going to make the obvious joke there.)