The Cranky Media Guy

Wow, a real blogger actually agrees with me on the Oprah Network sale and the failure of all of Oxygen’s Big Multimedia Plans.

Silicon Alley Insider: Oxygen’s Dashed Synergy Dreams

What do we really know about these three aldermen?  What kind of name is “Poolas?”  Sounds a little terrorist-y to me.  What do they want to put in the gumball machines, huh?  Anthrax jawbreakers?  As if regular candy that breaks your jaw isn’t scary enough.  I say let’s look into these three guys.  You just can’t be too careful these days.

Poison gumballs the next terror tactic?

“The Secret” is to palm your unprofitable and unnecessary TV network off on the suckers at NBC Universal for $925 million.

I remember when The Oprah and her as-seen-on-TV pals Marcy Carsey, Tom Werner and Caryn Mandabach started Oxygen.  Oh, it was going to be the Cutting Edge® of television, with those “interactive” elements everyone was all a’twitter about a few years back.  Viewers were going to “talk back” to the network, which would result in…well, something.  That something was going to change TV for the better and empower women and, you know, stuff.

According to this article, the 2007 version of Oxygen “broadcasts syndicated sitcoms such as “Mad About You” and “Roseanne,” as well as reality shows and movies geared to women.”  That’s, uh, not quite so cutting edge, huh?  I’m guessing that watching sitcoms doesn’t empower all that many women.  If viewers are talking back to Oxygen, they’re doing it by yelling at their TV sets (which is pretty much how I deal with TV, actually).

All that cutting edge “interactive” stuff went out the window sometime back when they canned the people who worked for the “cyberspace” part of Oxygen. 

It’s amusing enough to me that The Oprah (who has direct access to the Secrets of the Universe, after all, which I would imagine include how to run a TV network) has to sell her shitty TV network.  It’s even more amusing that the dopes at NBC Universal think that they can spin gold out of that pile of manure.  “Oh, you silly blogger,” they say, “we’re going to synergize Oxygen by cross-promoting it with iVillage, the female-oriented website we also own.”

Um, do I not remember reading a while back that iVillage was a big disappointment in terms of profitability?  Apparently, the geniuses at NBC Universal have found a way to add 0+0 and get something other than 0.  These Big Media Conglomerate execs remind me of the people I debate with on another website who keep telling me that chain letters aren’t illegal and really CAN make a profit for every participant.

I kind of understand Magical Thinking when it’s promoted by poor individuals who are hoping to get rich quick as a way out of their financial dilemma (I’m not defending it, mind you.  I just said I understand why a person in a bad situation would want to believe something like that).  It’s Extra Stupid, though, when execs at a billion-dollar publicly-traded corporation engage in financial voodoo.

If this is the level of thinking in the board room in Burbank, sell your NBC Universal stock.  Now.

NBC Universal buying Oxygen for $925M - Yahoo! News

Hey, China!  Yeah sure, your underage workers make shoes for Wal-Mart and poisoned Thomas the Tank Engine toys for the children of America, but OUR eight-year-olds are putting in their time in high-tech settings.  Our march backwards to 19th Century Dickensian England is MUCH more advanced than yours.  Nyah nyah nyah-nyah nyah (”neener neener neener” for our West Coast readers).

Eight-year-old tests chips for Actel, owns an oscilloscope

Diamonds?  Not Swarovsky crystals?  This thing is a disgrace to the entire ridiculously-overpriced-yet-technologically-mediocre-gadget world.

The 24-carat gold MacBook Pro, with diamond studded Apple logo