$10,000 TO LET ME SHOOT YOU

Balloon Juice

All you have to read in the above linked article is the stuff in the first box to understand what I’m about to say.  Some right-wing douchebag “pundit” is saying that the kids at Virginia Tech were cowards because they didn’t rush the guy with the gun who was shooting at them.  I’ll pause for a moment to allow you absorb the monumental, unbelievably insensitive, stupidity of that.

OK, I’m back.  Yes, he’s BLAMING THE VICTIMS for being killed by a mentally ill young man with a gun.  They aren’t even buried yet and this prick is calling them cowards for being frightened by a person SHOOTING AT THEM.

Wow.  The fact that they apparently pay this asshole for writing shit like this is beyond sad.  That’s almost not worth saying.  Since I’m the kind of guy who likes to find solutions rather than merely assigning blame, though, I’d like to make Mr. Sensitive an offer.

Let’s test this whole “you shouldn’t be frightened by a person shooting at you” theory, Mr. Derbyshire.   Here’s what I’d like to do:  You and I go stand out in an open field or enclosed shooting range somewhere, so we can’t hurt anyone else.  I’ll stand about 20 feet from you, with a gun.  On cue, I’ll start firing it at you as you rush me. 

You say that the students should have counted the shots he squeezed off (as if they weren’t terrified about losing their lives and could have the presence of mind to do that) and rushed him as he was changing clips.  I’ll make it even easier than that for you.  I’ll have ONE gun and ONE clip and I’ll tell you in advance how many bullets are in it.  You’ll also know when I’m going to start firing at you, a warning the V.T. students didn’t have.  If you can get to me before the gun is empty, I’ll give you a check for $10,000 on the spot.  Since I’ve already given you advantages the students didn’t have, you will not be allowed to wear a bullet-proof vest or any other protective gear.

You say:

“Handguns aren’t very accurate, even at close range. I shoot mine all
the time at the range, and I still can’t hit squat. I doubt this guy
was any better than I am. And even if hit, a .22 needs to find
something important to do real damage — your chances aren’t bad.”

OK, I’ll make it a handgun.  Now you’re obviously going to have to sign a “hold blameless” waiver before we test your, shall we say, interesting theory.  You should have no problem with that, seeing as how it’s so unlikely that I’ll do any “real damage,” right?

Just to show you what a fair-minded guy I am, I’ll even share the money I get from selling the video of the shooting with you (or your estate.)  Fairer than that I cannot be.

Yes, this is a legitimate offer.  To be as clear as possible, I have NO intention of doing anything illegal.  If Mr. Derbyshire isn’t man enough to back up his ridiculous words about what he thinks the V.T. students should have done, nothing will happen to him (other than me having proven that he’s full of shit, of course.)  This will only happen with his signed consent (which we all know isn’t going to be forthcoming.) I want to be perfectly clear: I am not threatening him.

Basically, what I’m doing here is calling this loser’s bluff.  It’s always the same way with these guys; they know what YOU should have done in any given situation, but they aren’t willing to set an example.  Ever notice how the biggest supporters of the war in Iraq have never served a minute in the military? 

So, what do you say, Mr. Derbyshire?  Willing to risk a crummy little flesh wound for a minimum of $10,000?  Let’s show the world how a REAL MAN handles danger!