I’m sure you noticed that the air smells sweeter today, that colors are brighter and that people everywhere are walking with a new spring in their step. On top of that, of course, is the announcement President Bush made this morning that the war in Iraq is over and that he has realized the enormity of the mistake he made in starting the war in the first place, followed by his and vice-president Cheney’s immediate resignations.
You’d have to be in a coma to not know that our new Age of Enlightenment is entirely due to the long-awaited arrival of the iPhone. Thanks to this paradigm-shattering device, no child will ever go to bed hungry again, all land mines will be found and removed safely, and the blind will regain their sight.
Because of the iPhone, all stray dogs and cats will be returned to their owners, global warming is being reversed and automobiles, new and old, will all get 100 miles to the gallon of water. The desert has been rendered arable and a cure has been found for AIDS, thanks to the iPhones revolutionary touch screen.
Far more than a mere “cell phone” with some fancy features, the iPhone is the answer to every one of mankind’s prayers.