Monthly Archives: June 2007

GOD BLESS YOU, iPHONE

I’m sure you noticed that the air smells sweeter today, that colors are brighter and that people everywhere are walking with a new spring in their step.  On top of that, of course, is the announcement President Bush made this morning that the war in Iraq is over and that he has realized the enormity of the mistake he made in starting the war in the first place, followed by his and vice-president Cheney’s immediate resignations.

You’d have to be in a coma to not know that our new Age of Enlightenment is entirely due to the long-awaited arrival of the iPhone.  Thanks to this paradigm-shattering device, no child will ever go to bed hungry again, all land mines will be found and removed safely, and the blind will regain their sight.

Because of the iPhone, all stray dogs and cats will be returned to their owners, global warming is being reversed and automobiles, new and old, will all get 100 miles to the gallon of water.  The desert has been rendered arable and a cure has been found for AIDS, thanks to the iPhones revolutionary touch screen.

Far more than a mere “cell phone” with some fancy features, the iPhone is the answer to every one of mankind’s prayers. 

Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide

“PROM QUEEN” PART TWO

Courtesy of Michael Eisner, the man who ruined Walt Disney’s legacy, Prom Queen, the 90-second online series you didn’t want to watch is now the 130-minute movie you don’t want to own, .  It’s the intersection of New Media Boulevard, Old Media Street and Shitty Content Alley.

Variety.com – Amazon gets ‘Prom Queen’. The media buzz for this piece of shit has been tremendous, and will no doubt continue since they are expecting sales numbers well into two figures.

I REALLY HATE TO BURST YOUR LAST BUBBLE, BUT…REALITY TV AIN’T REAL

The three people left in the world who still think that the “reality” in “reality TV” means “real” or “unmade-up,” I present to you the following:

This Season On ‘Sunset Tan’: Giants, Dwarves, And Amputees – Defamer

The words “reality” and “television” don’t really belong together. Hell, these days even television news is phony, a bunch of crap designed to keep you from realizing you’re getting screwed over by big corporations. Reality TV is just another kind of scripted show – one that pretends to be real. Like professional wrestling.

Just keep looking at the shiny objects, folks. Don’t worry about the guy in the suit who is robbing you blind, taking your pension, emptying the US treasury, cutting your wages, outsourcing your jobs… nah, none of that matters. Just keep looking at the pretty pictures, they are what is real….

Ann Coulter Defenders: THAT HITLER GUY HAD A LOT OF GOOD POINTS TO MAKE IF YOU JUST STRIP AWAY THE JEW-HATING PARTS

I’ve never really paid any attention to NBC’s David Gregory; you probably haven’t either.  Maybe that’s why Douchebag (my new name for him) felt the need to defend Ann Coulter’s third grade-level personal attacks.  Hey, that whole saying-crazy-shit-to-get-attention thing works for Bill O’Reilly (and Coulter too, of course).

Here’s what I would do in response to someone like Gregory if I was to get on one of those shows (’cause, you know, that’s likely to happen and all):  I’d look at him and say in a calm voice, “I hope your wife gets hit by a bus today, David.”

He’s go fucking ballistic, of course and say, “HOW CAN YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT??”

Then I’d say, “If you strip away the inflammatory rhetoric against your wife, what I was saying was that I disagree with you, David.”

American TV news ain’t “news” in any real sense.  It’s like a carnival freak show…except that the carnival freak show never pretended to be anything but a freak show.

NBC’s David Gregory thinks we just need to “strip away” Ann Coulter’s inflammatory rhetoric to listen to her points – AMERICAblog: A great nation deserves the truth

Murdoch Consumes WSJ – YOU CAN’T FIRE US, WE QUIT!

So, the Spawn of Satan, Rupert Murdoch, is apparently about to take over the Wall Street Journal.  Rupert Murdoch owns, among many other tabloids, the New York Post, a paper so revolting that birds routinely refuse to allow their owners to put it in their cages as a liner.

Journalists at Dow Jones, which currently owns the Journal, think that Murdoch is going to trash the paper in favor of the kind of low-rent tabloidism he’s instituted at his other papers (gee, you think?)  They also think that he will cut staff (gee, you think?)

They wanted to protest, so what did they do?  They came in late for work on Thursday.  Boy, if there’s a more effective way to show your new employer how indispensable you are than blowing off work, I don’t know WHAT it could be.  Way to stick it to…um, I’m not really sure WHO that sticks it to, actually.

I Want Media – Media News & Resources