Michael Eisner has found his “new Mickey Mouse.”  It’s Bazooka Joe, the guy on the little waxy comic strips in Bazooka bubble gum.  You know, the goofy-looking fuck with the striped shirt and the eyepatch spouting jokes you didn’t think were funny when you were 5. How did this guy get to run Disney?  Did [...]

Up until now, I refused to believe the Chicken Littles among us who have been saying that the American dollar is in trouble.  Reading this article, however, changed my mind.  If a SUPERMODEL doesn’t want to be paid in dollars, clearly the end is nigh for America.  I’m putting all my money in Kruggerands! Pay [...]

…we just live in it. It’s time we all just accepted the fact that we are mere bit players in The Oprahverse.  We exist at Her pleasure.  When The Oprah weeps, it rains.  She is, after all, as Her talk show’s former theme song says, every woman.  And every man.  She contains multitudes.  The Pope [...]

The Oprah has announced that she is going to have a backstage “Oprah Cam” which we all be able to watch on her new channel on YouTube.  At last her millions of worshippers will be able to see Oprah actually raise the dead and perform psychic surgery on the medically incurable, which is what The [...]

…please do humanity a favor and kill yourself.  Now.  Right now.  Don’t wait for the next commercial break, just kill yourself RIGHT NOW. More Money Than Brains: Gold and Diamond-Encrusted MP3 Player for Dogs Reaches New Depth of Absurdity