Remember the news stories about iPorn a couple of years ago? Fake. Much of what makes the local and national news is fake. One “journalist” joked, “I’m off to do WhoreTV.” And it would be funnier if it weren’t true. No time for reporting about how the vice president said that he doesn’t care what the American people think. No time to mention that deaths are down in Iraq because the Pentagon, by its own admission, stopped counting a large percentage of killings. Nope, we can’t spare the precious seconds of airtime because we have that late breaking Jesus on driveway stain story to cover.
I’m sure you read or saw on the TV news the other day the story about the suicide bombers in Iraq who had Down Syndrome. OK, I’m calling bullshit on this one.
They were suicide bombers, right? That means they blew themselves up. Into teensy tiny bits. So, how the hell does anyone know they had Down Syndrome? You’d be lucky to be able to identify their gender after they went kaboom.
Every news outlet went with the Down Syndrome story as if it was Gospel, though. Did you hear, read or see one single word expressing the slightest doubt about the Down Syndrome thing? Nope, you didn’t. It was reported as if it was a fact, like the Sun rising in the East.
Oh, but the crazy Iraqi terrorists are SO crazy that they used retarded people as suicide bombers. Um, excuse me for asking a question, but why would they need to do that? It doesn’t seem to me as if there’s any shortage of NON-retarded religious fanatic nutjobs over there to cause them to have to resort to Operation Strap Bombs to the Retards.
My theory is simple: someone in the American military or intelligence simply made up the Down Syndrome story. It’s intended to make the crazy religious fanatic nutjobs look even crazier. Remember the story during the first Gulf War about Iraqi soldiers taking newborn infants out of their incubators and thrown onto the floor? Remember how the girl who told that story to Congress turned out to be the daughter of an ambassador and the whole story was fictitious? Oh, you didn’t hear that second part? Well, it’s correct, I’m not making it up. The whole “throwing babies on the floor” thing was bullshit, designed to whip up anti-Iraqi fervor on the part of the American public.
I’m smelling the same big rat with this Down Syndrome suicide bomber story. Now that a majority of the American public wants our troops to be brought home, it’s time to make the crazy Mohammad lovers look even crazier to get people to want our military to bomb the living shit out of them again. I’m predicting some kind of ramped-up offensive on the part of the U.S. military any day now.
Seriously, folks, isn’t it time we wised up to the fact that our government is currently run by people who will tell any lie about anyone at any time when it’s advantageous for them? They aren’t nice people, even if they do wear little American flag lapel pins.
Michael Eisner has found his “new Mickey Mouse.” It’s Bazooka Joe, the guy on the little waxy comic strips in Bazooka bubble gum. You know, the goofy-looking fuck with the striped shirt and the eyepatch spouting jokes you didn’t think were funny when you were 5.
How did this guy get to run Disney? Did they have a “millionth customer through the turnstiles at Disneyland this season gets to be CEO” contest?
Hey Eisner, I have a great idea for the NEXT “new Mickey Mouse” after this one stiffs. It’s a character called Man from Nantucket. He has this amazing, uh, super power. And he really enjoys it! It makes him grin. The kids are gonna LOVE this one, Mike!
…we just live in it.
It’s time we all just accepted the fact that we are mere bit players in The Oprahverse. We exist at Her pleasure. When The Oprah weeps, it rains. She is, after all, as Her talk show’s former theme song says, every woman. And every man. She contains multitudes. The Pope has The Oprah on speed dial for advice on matters of faith and morals. Do not fold, mutilate or spindle The Oprah. Daylight Savings Time was extended this year at the request of The Oprah. Every human being in Mountain Home, Idaho belongs to The Oprah by state law. During a commercial break on a recent edition of Her show, The Oprah single-handedly separated two conjoined twins backstage. A cargo cult in the South Pacific worships The Oprah as a deity. The Oprah is a robot sent back from the future to save mankind. Tibet will be freed when The Oprah says so. While it is well-known that The Oprah once gave every member of Her studio audience a new car, it is less well-known that guests who displease Her have to give Her their cars. When The Oprah lactates, Her breasts produce liquid gold.