Where were you when you heard that Tim Russert died? That will be the defining question in years to come. Is there a man or woman alive in America today who doesn’t have the answer to that question indelibly burned into their brain?

I for one will never forget how the streets fell silent as news of the death of the host of the little-watched Sunday morning show Meet The Press reached the masses. Men spontaneously burst into flames as pregnant women went into labor from the shock of hearing that a millionaire public affairs program host passed away.

Russert gave so much in presiding over the show that Dick Cheney referred to as the best venue for Republicans to go on to promote their agenda, receiving only a paltry several million dollars a year in compensation. He was reluctant to talk about it, but his touch could cure leprosy. He regularly ordered his driver to take his limo through ghetto streets so he could throw hundred-dollar bills out the window to the less fortunate. During commercial breaks on Meet The Press, he suckled orphans with his ample man-breasts. Tim Russert was, in short, the finest human being who ever lived.

By presidential decree, starting in 2009, all work will cease at the exact minute when he died for one hour. Television stations will go dark and no commercial flights will be allowed over America’s skies on the anniversary of his death. In his honor, the month of June will be renamed Russert. Parents who name their children, male or female, “Tim” will receive a tax-free gift of five thousand dollars and government jobs from which they cannot be fired.

How local TV embraced fake news – Machinist – Salon.com

They were suicide bombers, right?  That means they blew themselves up.  Into teensy tiny bits.  So, how the hell does anyone know they had Down Syndrome?  You’d be lucky to be able to identify their gender after they went kaboom.

Every news outlet went with the Down Syndrome story as if it was Gospel, though.  Did you hear, read or see one single word expressing the slightest doubt about the Down Syndrome thing?  Nope, you didn’t.  It was reported as if it was a fact, like the Sun rising in the East.

Oh, but the crazy Iraqi terrorists are SO crazy that they used retarded people as suicide bombers.  Um, excuse me for asking a question, but why would they need to do that?  It doesn’t seem to me as if there’s any shortage of NON-retarded religious fanatic nutjobs over there to cause them to have to resort to Operation Strap Bombs to the Retards.

My theory is simple: someone in the American military or intelligence simply made up the Down Syndrome story.  It’s intended to make the crazy religious fanatic nutjobs look even crazier.  Remember the story during the first Gulf War about Iraqi soldiers taking newborn infants out of their incubators and thrown onto the floor?  Remember how the girl who told that story to Congress turned out to be the daughter of an ambassador and the whole story was fictitious?  Oh, you didn’t hear that second part?  Well, it’s correct, I’m not making it up.  The whole “throwing babies on the floor” thing was bullshit, designed to whip up anti-Iraqi fervor on the part of the American public.

I’m smelling the same big rat with this Down Syndrome suicide bomber story.  Now that a majority of the American public wants our troops to be brought home, it’s time to make the crazy Mohammad lovers look even crazier to get people to want our military to bomb the living shit out of them again.  I’m predicting some kind of ramped-up offensive on the part of the U.S. military any day now. 

Seriously, folks, isn’t it time we wised up to the fact that our government is currently run by people who will tell any lie about anyone at any time when it’s advantageous for them?  They aren’t nice people, even if they do wear little American flag lapel pins. 

I hadn’t realized that; I don’t see the list of postings when I add one.  Anyway, I agree that I have more than made my “point” (assuming I ever had one, that is) about crystal-encrusted crap. 

OK, it’s time to move on.  No more crystals for me.  I have thoughts on a lot of other subjects; I guess I’ve just been too disgusted with things to articulate them in print.  I’m going to open the floodgates now…and may God have mercy on all our souls.

In Race for Gossip, TV Shows Turn to Blogs

Kidding aside, I’m getting really REALLY tired of these fucking Republicans leveling with the public about all the scummy shit that’s been done in the name of the American public AFTER they leave public serve and get a hefty publishing advance or are worried about how history will judge them.  Yes, I’m looking at you, Colin Powell.

Seriously, how do these people sleep at night, knowing that they could have told America what was going on but they kept their mouths shut because, at the time, it was better for their careers?

In a just world, all of these honest-only-when-it-pays fuckers would go on some kind of Scumbag Picnic, driven there in a rickety school bus along a road on the edge of a cliff high above the ocean by a meth addict overdue for his dose.  Oops, he missed the sharp curve.  Darn the luck!  Ah, but I digress.

Hey, Greenspan!  I realize it won’t be long now before the Icy Grip of Death grabs you by the balls and drags you into the grave but you might consider taking a moment out of your busy book-selling schedule to apologize to the people of America and the world for keeping your geriatric jaw shut about what you knew about the “Battle for Iraq” (as my local Fox affiliate’s news show calls it).  Doesn’t it ever bother you, Alan, when you sit down to cut into your nice filet mignon and you see all that blood on your hands?  All the book royalties in the world won’t make it go away.  Try washing some of it off with TRUTH, Old Man.

Alan Greenspan claims Iraq war was really for oil – Times Online

Oh, OK, I’ll go a little further with this.  Quoting from the article:

“Rand had a reputation for living for her own interest. She is said to
have seduced her most serious reader, Nathaniel Branden, when he was 24
or 25 and she was at least 50. Each was married to someone else. In
fact, Mr. Britting confirmed, they called their spouses to a meeting at
which the pair announced their intention to make the mentor-protégé
relationship a sexual one.”

Oh, so she was a cheating bitch.  Good role model there.  I’m sure her husband appreciated the objectivism that went into her decision to fuck a younger guy behind his back.

More:

“Last year, bookstores sold 150,000 copies of the book. It continues to hold appeal, even to a younger generation. Mark Cuban, the owner of the Dallas Mavericks, who was born in 1958, and John P. Mackey, the chief executive of Whole Foods, who was 3 when the book was published, have said they consider Rand crucial to their success.”

I’m not aware of anything terrible that Mark Cuban has done, but he does have a widespread reputation for being pretty fucking cuckoo.  Didn’t he get fined a huge amount of money for screaming at refs during a Mavericks game?

As for the guy who runs Whole Foods, that asshole got caught recently putting anonymous postings on a business-oriented web site’s message board disparaging his biggest competitor, saying that it was poorly run, etc.  Oh, funny story, he just BOUGHT that competitor.  What’s that, Randians?  Oh, he was just acting in his “rational self-interest,” not being a flaming douchebag who lied about his competition to lower its sale price?  Oh, no prob, then.

“The book’s hero, John Galt, also continues to live on. The subcontractor hired to demolish the former Deutsche Bank building,
which was damaged when the World Trade Center towers fell, was the John
Galt Corporation. It was removed from the job last month after a fire
at the building killed two firefighters.”

Yeah, turns out (not that the New York Times seemed to think that this was worth telling you in this article) that the John Galt Corporation never demolished anything before.  Hey, who needs experience when you have self-interest to service and powerful fellow Rand fans to grease the skids for you?

Know what?  I’ve changed my mind.  I take back “fuck Ayn Rand.”  Fuck Ayn Rand AND all the assholes who think that her elaborate rationalization of selfishness constitutes a “philosophy.” 

Ayn Rand’s Literature of Capitalism – New York Times