The Cranky Media Guy

Tim Russert and the ultimate sacrifice

Where were you when you heard that Tim Russert died? That will be the defining question in years to come. Is there a man or woman alive in America today who doesn’t have the answer to that question indelibly burned into their brain?

I for one will never forget how the streets fell silent as news of the death of the host of the little-watched Sunday morning show Meet The Press reached the masses. Men spontaneously burst into flames as pregnant women went into labor from the shock of hearing that a millionaire public affairs program host passed away.

Russert gave so much in presiding over the show that Dick Cheney referred to as the best venue for Republicans to go on to promote their agenda, receiving only a paltry several million dollars a year in compensation. He was reluctant to talk about it, but his touch could cure leprosy. He regularly ordered his driver to take his limo through ghetto streets so he could throw hundred-dollar bills out the window to the less fortunate. During commercial breaks on Meet The Press, he suckled orphans with his ample man-breasts. Tim Russert was, in short, the finest human being who ever lived.

By presidential decree, starting in 2009, all work will cease at the exact minute when he died for one hour. Television stations will go dark and no commercial flights will be allowed over America’s skies on the anniversary of his death. In his honor, the month of June will be renamed Russert. Parents who name their children, male or female, “Tim” will receive a tax-free gift of five thousand dollars and government jobs from which they cannot be fired.

Remember the news stories about iPorn a couple of years ago? Fake. Much of what makes the local and national news is fake. One “journalist” joked, “I’m off to do WhoreTV.” And it would be funnier if it weren’t true. No time for reporting about how the vice president said that he doesn’t care what the American people think. No time to mention that deaths are down in Iraq because the Pentagon, by its own admission, stopped counting a large percentage of killings. Nope, we can’t spare the precious seconds of airtime because we have that late breaking Jesus on driveway stain story to cover.

How local TV embraced fake news - Machinist - Salon.com

I’m sure you read or saw on the TV news the other day the story about the suicide bombers in Iraq who had Down Syndrome.  OK, I’m calling bullshit on this one.

They were suicide bombers, right?  That means they blew themselves up.  Into teensy tiny bits.  So, how the hell does anyone know they had Down Syndrome?  You’d be lucky to be able to identify their gender after they went kaboom.

Every news outlet went with the Down Syndrome story as if it was Gospel, though.  Did you hear, read or see one single word expressing the slightest doubt about the Down Syndrome thing?  Nope, you didn’t.  It was reported as if it was a fact, like the Sun rising in the East.

Oh, but the crazy Iraqi terrorists are SO crazy that they used retarded people as suicide bombers.  Um, excuse me for asking a question, but why would they need to do that?  It doesn’t seem to me as if there’s any shortage of NON-retarded religious fanatic nutjobs over there to cause them to have to resort to Operation Strap Bombs to the Retards.

My theory is simple: someone in the American military or intelligence simply made up the Down Syndrome story.  It’s intended to make the crazy religious fanatic nutjobs look even crazier.  Remember the story during the first Gulf War about Iraqi soldiers taking newborn infants out of their incubators and thrown onto the floor?  Remember how the girl who told that story to Congress turned out to be the daughter of an ambassador and the whole story was fictitious?  Oh, you didn’t hear that second part?  Well, it’s correct, I’m not making it up.  The whole “throwing babies on the floor” thing was bullshit, designed to whip up anti-Iraqi fervor on the part of the American public.

I’m smelling the same big rat with this Down Syndrome suicide bomber story.  Now that a majority of the American public wants our troops to be brought home, it’s time to make the crazy Mohammad lovers look even crazier to get people to want our military to bomb the living shit out of them again.  I’m predicting some kind of ramped-up offensive on the part of the U.S. military any day now. 

Seriously, folks, isn’t it time we wised up to the fact that our government is currently run by people who will tell any lie about anyone at any time when it’s advantageous for them?  They aren’t nice people, even if they do wear little American flag lapel pins. 

My wife, while overhauling this website, pointed out to me that the last four things I posted were about those stupid Swarovsky crystals.

I hadn’t realized that; I don’t see the list of postings when I add one.  Anyway, I agree that I have more than made my “point” (assuming I ever had one, that is) about crystal-encrusted crap. 

OK, it’s time to move on.  No more crystals for me.  I have thoughts on a lot of other subjects; I guess I’ve just been too disgusted with things to articulate them in print.  I’m going to open the floodgates now…and may God have mercy on all our souls.

NBC/Universal has announced that it’s going to insure that “Access Hollywood“’s website has an “NBC News standard of journalism.”  I’d rather see NBC News have a National Enquirer standard of journalism.  Seriously.

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