The Cranky Media Guy

I’ve been saying for years now that these “non-lethal” weapons you keep reading and seeing news stories about are NOT for deployment against people who wear funny-looking costumes in some other country where everybody rides to work on a camel but for protesters right here in the good ol’ US. of A.

I started thinking like that a few years back when I saw a commercial for the U.S. Army which talked about our soldiers as “peacekeepers” and showed them riding around in a tank-like conveyance. Funny thing: the streets the tank-looking thing was moving along looked more like an American ghetto than some place full of furriners. A little bell went off in my head. Lo and behold, I just read the following:

Ray Gun for Taming America

OK, let’s say you’re a right wing writer of words and you want to write something about Barack Obama’s parents and how they might have met and how that might somehow “prove” that they or he are/is communist.  Would it make sense for you to, oh I don’t know, DO SOME FUCKING RESEARCH INTO HOW THEY ACTUALLY MET INSTEAD OF PULLING A STORY OUT OF YOUR ASS?

Of course, there’s always the possibility that how they actually met doesn’t line up with your fantasy version of how it happened, which would, of course, ruin your entire thesis.

So, you do the laziest thing possible, which is to simply not bother to try to find out how they met and just go with your science fiction version of the Obamas’ first encounter.  It’s fun to play pretend, isn’t it?  That’s why small children do it. - [Link]

I’m sure you read or saw on the TV news the other day the story about the suicide bombers in Iraq who had Down Syndrome.  OK, I’m calling bullshit on this one.

They were suicide bombers, right?  That means they blew themselves up.  Into teensy tiny bits.  So, how the hell does anyone know they had Down Syndrome?  You’d be lucky to be able to identify their gender after they went kaboom.

Every news outlet went with the Down Syndrome story as if it was Gospel, though.  Did you hear, read or see one single word expressing the slightest doubt about the Down Syndrome thing?  Nope, you didn’t.  It was reported as if it was a fact, like the Sun rising in the East.

Oh, but the crazy Iraqi terrorists are SO crazy that they used retarded people as suicide bombers.  Um, excuse me for asking a question, but why would they need to do that?  It doesn’t seem to me as if there’s any shortage of NON-retarded religious fanatic nutjobs over there to cause them to have to resort to Operation Strap Bombs to the Retards.

My theory is simple: someone in the American military or intelligence simply made up the Down Syndrome story.  It’s intended to make the crazy religious fanatic nutjobs look even crazier.  Remember the story during the first Gulf War about Iraqi soldiers taking newborn infants out of their incubators and thrown onto the floor?  Remember how the girl who told that story to Congress turned out to be the daughter of an ambassador and the whole story was fictitious?  Oh, you didn’t hear that second part?  Well, it’s correct, I’m not making it up.  The whole “throwing babies on the floor” thing was bullshit, designed to whip up anti-Iraqi fervor on the part of the American public.

I’m smelling the same big rat with this Down Syndrome suicide bomber story.  Now that a majority of the American public wants our troops to be brought home, it’s time to make the crazy Mohammad lovers look even crazier to get people to want our military to bomb the living shit out of them again.  I’m predicting some kind of ramped-up offensive on the part of the U.S. military any day now. 

Seriously, folks, isn’t it time we wised up to the fact that our government is currently run by people who will tell any lie about anyone at any time when it’s advantageous for them?  They aren’t nice people, even if they do wear little American flag lapel pins. 

What do we really know about these three aldermen?  What kind of name is “Poolas?”  Sounds a little terrorist-y to me.  What do they want to put in the gumball machines, huh?  Anthrax jawbreakers?  As if regular candy that breaks your jaw isn’t scary enough.  I say let’s look into these three guys.  You just can’t be too careful these days.

Poison gumballs the next terror tactic?

Remember when sci-fi stuff was cool?  Remember when we naively thought that the future would be all about making life better for humanity?

Welcome to Reality®, Dude.  Apparently what the high-tech stuff of the near future really is, is “pain weapons” designed to break up riots.  I guess we’re not supposed to think about this, but it seems that the Big Brains among us see a future in which there are riots so large that the military, not the police, has to break them up.

“But, Cranky Media Guy,” you say, “the military says these pain weapons are intended for use in places like Iraq, not Detroit.”

To you I respond, “Uh, since when do you see the military using non-lethal weapons?  Don’t they normally just shoot people with the intent of killing them?  After all, dead enemies are gone forever, while stunned enemies just plot how to get you another day.

Sorry, I’m not buying the notion that these will not be deployed domestically, which makes me wonder what the Powers That Be think is going to cause American society to devolve into large-scale rioting.  I just hope we don’t all find out the answer to that question.

Run away the ray-gun is coming : We test US army’s new secret weapon.