Category Archives: Pop Culture

Pop culture news and commentary, from Paris to iPhones and everything else that sucks. Read the Cranky Media Guy’s own unique and sometimes funny take on things that happening, or are about to happen.

A QUICK WORD WITH THOSE OF YOU WHO DON’T BELIEVE IN EVOLUTION

So, you say you don’t believe in evolution.  OK, here’s the deal: you’re a fucking moron.  Evolution is about the best proven theory in the history of science.  Eh, who needs FACTS though when you’ve got a perfectly good book in which snakes talk, people can fit two of every species on Earth onto an ark and sail around aimlessly and a broke-ass carpenter is the Son O’ God.

You don’t believe in evolution?  No problem.  In that case, you won’t be needing that new flu vaccine this year, freeing up the supply for the rest of us who use that grey matter between our ears.  I’ll explain that for you, Superstitious Dipshit.  See, they wouldn’t have to create new vaccines if the flu virus didn’t EVOLVE and become immune to the old ones. 

If you don’t believe in evolution, don’t you fucking DARE get the new updated vaccine or you’re the biggest fucking hypocrite walking upright.  Just suffer with the non-evolved flu you MUST believe in.  Sneeze your ass off and feel like shit for two weeks; taking that new vaccine would be just WRONG, you religiously hypnotized loser.

THIS IS SUCH A BRILLIANT IDEA THAT I WISH I THOUGHT OF IT. OH WAIT, I DID.

Man offered $2.2m for his life in Australia

So, this guy in Perth, Australia is auctioning off his entire life. Wow, trading your life in, what a great idea. Gee, I wish I thought of that. Oh, yeah, I did. Twice, actually.

Back in the 1980’s, I got an article in the Express-Times newspaper (then known as the Express) in the Lehigh Valley (Allentown) area of Pennsylvania. I was looking for a celebrity, someone nationally or internationally known in show business, sports or politics to have their name legally changed to mine. If Johnny Carson were to do that, for example, from that point on, the show would be called the Tonight Show with Bob Pagani. That way I could be vicariously famous.

In the 1990’s, I was written about in the Washington Post for offering to trade lives with someone. So, like I said, basically I invented this whole “ditching your life” thing years ago.

My big mistake was coming up with this idea before the Internet really kicked in. This Aussie guy is benefiting from the existence of eBay. I didn’t have that luxury, unfortunately (although I did get some publicity for both of my efforts).

Hey, the breaks are the breaks. I’ve gotten a lot of ink for some of my crazy concepts over the years, so I’m not really complaining. Chances are, this is the one and only time this Perth guy will get this kind of attention. Me, on the other hand, I’ll keep turning up in the press like a bad penny, about once a year on average. A boy needs a hobby, right?

iF YOU OWN ANY STOCK IN THIS “SPORT,” SELL!

This is further proof that a lot of “experts” don’t have Clue One. This guy was a Big Time executive at HBO and he’s putting money into this basketball/trampoline hybrid, which has already failed once. Here’s my newest Rule of Business: if it couldn’t increase the audience on Spike Friggin’ TV last time it was tried, it’s a bad idea.

Hey, Mr. Albrecht, where did you get the idea that people are tired of the already existing sports? Personally, I’m not hearing guys saying that they’re bored with football, baseball, basketball (the normal kind that doesn’t involve trampolines, that is), hockey, lacrosse and foosball. Even if there is some disaffected audience jonesing for a new sport, what makes you think what they want is B-ball players not good enough for the NBA bouncing on trampolines and crashing into each other?

But maybe I’m wrong and this “SlamBall” will become a huge hit. And maybe monkeys will fly out of my ass. I hope you got a solid gold parachute from HBO when they canned you after you beat your girlfriend in that Vegas parking lot while you were on a bender, Mr. Albrecht. You’re gonna need it.

Ex-HBO Executive Stakes His Comeback on SlamBall