by The Cranky Media Guy
"Where am I?"
"Oh, let's see, Senator Coverdell...you're dead, it's really
hot here. Take a wild guess, why don't you?"
"I'm in Hell?"
"And you're Satan?"
"What gave me away, the pitchfork, the tail, the red
"But why am I..."
"Here? Yeah, all you rich and powerful types seem to
automatically assume you'll end up in the other place.
Especially if you think of yourself as a Christian. Funny, you
all forget that part in the Bible about it being easier for a camel
to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the
Kingdom of Heaven."
"But, what did I do that was so wrong?"
"What did you do that was so right? Let me ask
you--does your country have universal health care or do poor people
still have to worry about being wiped out financially if someone in
their family gets sick?"
"You don't understand! Universal health care would
cause rationing of services and..."
"Listen, Senator, you ever heard the old expression, 'don't
bullshit a bullshitter'? If you can't go to the doctor because
you can't afford to, what is that if not 'rationing'?"
"So, I'm in Hell because I didn't support universal health
"Yeah, pretty much. Well, that and a bunch of other
things. You guys on Capitol Hill are real good at providing
for yourselves things you claim would be too expensive for the rest
of the country. I don't miss things like that, you know?
This job is all about the details."
"Can I ask a question?"
"Shoot. I aim to please."
"Are there more Republicans than Democrats here?"
"Well, there were for a long time. Once those guys
started to act just like you people, business really picked
up. The Clinton years have been just great for me."
"So, this is it?"
"Yeah, for eternity, I'm afraid. Why don't you just
have a seat over there?"
"In that big chair right in front of the fire?"
"Nah, one of the ones next to it. That big one, I'm
saving for either Strom Thurmond or Newt Gingrich, whichever arrives