We Didn't Know It Was POSSIBLE For a Representative to Hate Our Freedom Of Choice THIS Much
by The Cranky Media Guy
|Rep. Mike Oxley
To my way or thinking, if you're going to be a
crook, there's only two ways to go about it. The first is the
Reverend Ike way. The Reverend Ike was a black preacher who
used to have a show on TV. The Rev would look at the camera
and say, "People ask me if the money they donate is going to
help starving people in Africa. I tell them, 'Hell no!
It's going to a black preacher in New York!'"
The second way is the Bill Clinton way, where
you get all sincere-looking and say, "I did not have sexual
relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky." In other
words, total denial. Personally, I prefer the Reverend Ike
method; you have to admire a guy who has the nerve to look you right
in the eye and admit what he's up to. If you're going to be a
crook and you don't have the gonads to do it the Reverend Ike
way, at least go for total denial. Don't insult my
intelligence by trying to B.S. me with transparent rhetoric.
Of course, the overpaid scumbags in Congress
don't have the charisma to go down either the Reverend Ike or
Bill Clinton roads. The newest scam is to try to justify their
corruption of the democratic process by calling it--get ready
One of the U.S.D.A. Grade-A scumbags on the
Hill is Representative Michael G. Oxley (R-Ohio). Catch this
charming Oxley quote, courtesy of the Washington Post, about
big-money donors. "It would be unrealistic to ask people
to contribute and not let them have a voice, not let us know their
opinion." On the off chance that you don't get the real
meaning of that, allow me to translate for you: You pay, you get
access. The more you pay, the more access you get.
Naturally, that leaves dirt bags like me--and almost certainly
you--out of the picture. The fact that we support the opulent
lifestyles of those glorified, self-important civil servants with
our tax dollars doesn't mean squat. If you can't write a big
check to their reelection campaign funds, you don't count for shit.
If you doubt what I'm saying, reread Oxley's quote and email me another
interpretation of it. There isn't one. You can wrap
manure up real pretty and put a bow on it, but it'll still smell.
You can sell the influence of your elected office and call it
"customer service" but it'll still smell, too.
Miserable, self-serving SOB's like Oxley are
the reason the American public has lost faith in the
"system". He happens to be a Republican, but it
isn't any different on the other side of the aisle. Same shit,
different mascot. Millions of Americans know intuitively
what's going on in the halls of power; they just feel helpless to do
anything about it. The Oxleys of this world realize that and
take advantage of it. What they're engaged in is essentially a
Mafia-style protection racket. If you want to make sure that
your industry doesn't have to deal with legislation it might not
like, you have to grease the right palms. Anyone care to
explain to me how that differs from the thick-necked goon who
informs you that, unless you pay weekly "protection", your
store just might have a fire? You can call it
"customer service", but anyone with a three digit IQ knows
that it's extortion.
I'm not particularly religious, but I like to
imagine that, if there is a Hell, there's a ringside seat
right next to the fire for people like Oxley. Unfortunately,
I'm realistic enough to know how these things play out in the real
world. Oxley will have his little run in Congress as one of
the pay-for-play blow boys of industry. Then he'll announce
that he's leaving public office to "spend more time with my
family." His next gig will be as a highly-paid
"consultant" or board member for one of the companies he
ran interference for when he was supposed to be representing
the interests of his constituents. His salary will, of course, be on
top of the pension he'll get for having been a member of Congress.
In a way, I almost hope that Oxley gets paid
very well from here on. After all, selling your soul and
betraying the trust of the people who elected you ought to be worth something.
Enjoy your run as Weasel of the Week, Representative Oxley.
Sorry there's no check to go with it.