Proof That Sanity is Not a Requirement of the Job
by The Cranky Media Guy
|Sen. Bob Smith
So, you saw the pictures of Little Elian with his Daddy on that
estate in Eastern Maryland and thought to yourself, "Sweet
deal!" Yeah, so did I. Little did we know that the
kid was living in a concentration camp. Says who? Says
Senator Bob Smith, that's who, Mr. Skeptic.
Smith said, "Right now, this little boy is in a
concentration camp on American soil. It's surrounded by
Communists. He's got his Communist playmates there so they can
re-indoctrinate him." Yup, they may look like innocent
six-year-olds, but you can't fool an old Commie smeller-outer like
Senator Smith. They're probably KGB spies wearing little kid
suits. You need a trained eye to spot subterfuge like
that. That's why he's a Senator and you work at
McDonalds (metaphorically speaking, of course--unless you actually do
work at McDonalds, in which case, forget that "metaphorically
Just like you probably did, I thought that "private
estate" the Gonzalezes are staying at was a nice-looking place,
but Senator Smith says it's a concentration camp, so a concentration
camp it must be. I never pictured the camps as having neatly
manicured lawns and swing sets, but I guess I haven't been watching
the History Channel closely enough or something.
Oh, and lest you be fooled by the pictures that make Elian
look as if he's in pretty decent health, he's been drugged!
"They've already found tranquilizer drugs with the
doctors. I think you can reasonably assume that on May 11 the
little kid is going to come say 'I want to go back to Cuba,'"
Smith said. See, and silly me thought that maybe a doctor just
carried stuff like that around for, you know, like emergencies or
something. I forgot that the doctor is almost certainly a
Commie and therefore wouldn't hesitate to sedate the kid and lullaby
him to sleep with readings from the Communist Manifesto. It's
gotta be true! After all, who am I to argue with a Senator?
Oops, this just in: Senator Smith "clarified" his
statements on Monday. He told the Associated Press that he
never said the kid was being drugged. "I did not suggest
it. If that's the conclusion you draw, that's
incorrect." Wow, I sure drew that
conclusion. Boy, is my face red!
Oh, and as for that "concentration camp" comment, well,
Smith said if he used that term, he misspoke. He said he has
consistently described the compound as a "re-education
camp." Consistently, except for the time he said it was a
concentration camp, I guess.
See, a cynical person might think that Smith backed off his
original statements when he found out that people thought he was
nuts for making them. I say it's just that damn liberal media
trying to make a Republican Senator look bad by accurately quoting
him. That's just the kind of trick those sneaky crypto-Commies
would pull to discredit an ever-vigilant public servant like Bob
Smith. It's a shame I can only honor Senator Smith with the
Weasel of the Week Award. Why, a tireless Commie hunter like
him deserves to be Weasel of the Year at least. You
keep lifting those rocks, Senator Smith. Don't worry about the
people who laugh at you. There's gotta be a Commie under one