Proof That Sanity is Not a Requirement of the Job

by The Cranky Media Guy

Sen. Bob Smith

So, you saw the pictures of Little Elian with his Daddy on that estate in Eastern Maryland and thought to yourself, "Sweet deal!"  Yeah, so did I.  Little did we know that the kid was living in a concentration camp.  Says who?  Says Senator Bob Smith, that's who, Mr. Skeptic.

Smith said, "Right now, this little boy is in a concentration camp on American soil.  It's surrounded by Communists.  He's got his Communist playmates there so they can re-indoctrinate him."  Yup, they may look like innocent six-year-olds, but you can't fool an old Commie smeller-outer like Senator Smith.  They're probably KGB spies wearing little kid suits.  You need a trained eye to spot subterfuge like that.  That's why he's a Senator and you work at McDonalds (metaphorically speaking, of course--unless you actually do work at McDonalds, in which case, forget that "metaphorically speaking" stuff).

Just like you probably did, I thought that "private estate" the Gonzalezes are staying at was a nice-looking place, but Senator Smith says it's a concentration camp, so a concentration camp it must be.  I never pictured the camps as having neatly manicured lawns and swing sets, but I guess I haven't been watching the History Channel closely enough or something. 

 Oh, and lest you be fooled by the pictures that make Elian look as if he's in pretty decent health, he's been drugged!  "They've already found tranquilizer drugs with the doctors.  I think you can reasonably assume that on May 11 the little kid is going to come say 'I want to go back to Cuba,'" Smith said.  See, and silly me thought that maybe a doctor just carried stuff like that around for, you know, like emergencies or something.  I forgot that the doctor is almost certainly a Commie and therefore wouldn't hesitate to sedate the kid and lullaby him to sleep with readings from the Communist Manifesto.  It's gotta be true!  After all, who am I to argue with a Senator?

Oops, this just in:  Senator Smith "clarified" his statements on Monday.  He told the Associated Press that he never said the kid was being drugged.  "I did not suggest it.  If that's the conclusion you draw, that's incorrect."  Wow, I sure drew that conclusion.  Boy, is my face red!

Oh, and as for that "concentration camp" comment, well, Smith said if he used that term, he misspoke.  He said he has consistently described the compound as a "re-education camp."  Consistently, except for the time he said it was a concentration camp, I guess.

See, a cynical person might think that Smith backed off his original statements when he found out that people thought he was nuts for making them.  I say it's just that damn liberal media trying to make a Republican Senator look bad by accurately quoting him.  That's just the kind of trick those sneaky crypto-Commies would pull to discredit an ever-vigilant public servant like Bob Smith.  It's a shame I can only honor Senator Smith with the Weasel of the Week Award.  Why, a tireless Commie hunter like him deserves to be Weasel of the Year at least.  You keep lifting those rocks, Senator Smith.  Don't worry about the people who laugh at you.  There's gotta be a Commie under one of them.