The Bad Boy Act Isn't Funny Anymore
by The Cranky Media Guy
Mike Tyson is a friggin' lunatic. It's become painfully
obvious that he needs to be banned from boxing. The guy just
ain't right in the attic; know what I mean, Vern?
Over the weekend, he knocked out some chooch named Lou Saverese
in 38 seconds. So? Who let this jabroni in the ring with
Tyson in the first place? Beating Lou "Even I
Don't Know Who I Am" Saverese and calling that a
"victory" is about one step above bragging about beating
Christopher Reeve in a footrace. All this happened in
Scotland, a country where they consider throwing a phone pole around
a big-time sport. Even in that starved-for-entertainment
outpost, the promoter couldn't fill the house. Obviously,
Tyson's strategy of picking his opponents from bigsissy.com's
membership list isn't working anymore.
After the bell rang, Tyson, apparently aware that he hadn't
exactly given the fans their money's worth, knocked referee John
Coyle on his ass. Ever the showman, Iron Mike then unloaded
verbally on Lennox Lewis.
Addressing Lewis via the camera lens, Tyson said, "I want to
eat your heart out. I want to eat your children. He is
no match for me when I am right. I want to rip his heart out
and feed it to him." Would you like some fava beans and a
nice Chianti to go with that, Hannibal, I mean Mikey?
I'm sure someone will defend Tyson on the grounds that he's the
best boxer in the business. Uh, so what? Yes, he's a
good boxer, but does that mean that he can do anything he wants in
the ring? Why not just give him a fungo bat and let him try to
knock his opponent's head over the fence? Besides, this was Lou
friggin' Saverese he was fighting, not someone even close to
being in the same league as Tyson.
Perhaps you'd care to argue that yes, Tyson is a thug, but he's
good for the business of boxing. Doesn't look like it.
The promoter first said that he had sold 40,000 tickets for the
event, then later changed that to 18,000. Reporters on the
scene said it looked like less than that. Beating the shit out
of anorexics doesn't seem to be pulling in the fans anymore.
Who's Tyson's next opponent, Callista Flockheart?
It's time to state the obvious: the guy is probably the
best fighter of his generation, but he's out of control. I
honestly feel sorry for him; I think he's a man who has a lot of
problems. I'm sure Godzilla had a rough childhood on Monster
Island, too, but that doesn't mean you just let him destroy
Tyson has been diagnosed with Dysthemic Disorder (chronic
depression). That's a very difficult thing to have to live
with, but it isn't an excuse to allow him to continue to hurt people
and act in a completely unprofessional way that's a disgrace to
what's supposed to be a sport. (you can see the
complete text of Tyson's psychiatric examination by doctors at
Massachusetts General Hospital at thesmokinggun.com) .
The guy's a convicted rapist; he chewed off a chunk of Evander
Holyfield's ear and now he's threatened to feed another boxer his
own heart. What do you have to do to get banned in boxing, run the
Pope over with a monster truck?
It's hard to argue with: Tyson has to go bye-bye. And
soon, before he hurts another skinny-ass "opponent".
In his psych report, the docs say that Mike has an "interest in
social issues, especially the plight of the poor and victims of
persecution". Okay, let's take him out of the ring and
let him start exercising that interest. Until he shows that he
can help another human rather than threatening to eat their
children, Mike Tyson has a ringside seat in the Weasel of the Week
Hall of Fame.