The Cranky Media Guy

weekly commentaries and editorials
   Editorial Page
   Weasel Of The Week
   News Talk
   Cranky Music Man
   Editorial Cartoon
   CMG-TV

specials and monthly features    The Op Ed Piece
   Fast Food Critic
   Who Is 'Blue Collar'?

The Crank Tank    Previous Columns
   Weasels Hall of Shame

Tell your friends about this page!

weasel of the week
"Government of, by, and for the rich"
by The Cranky Media Guy
TX Rep. Tom 'I'm a Money Grubbing Jerk' DeLay
Rep. Tom DeLay

OK, so our American democracy is in free fall, nobody under the age of 70 thinks that voting is worth the effort anymore and the average citizen thinks that Congress is a wholly-owned subsidiary of AOL-TimeWarner.  Who can turn this around?  We need a man on a white horse, a man of uncommon perception, a visionary.  We need...Tom DeLay?

Yup, at a time when even Stevie Wonder could see that our elected representatives are bought and paid for by Big Business, only one man has the chutzpah to argue in favor of eliminating all restrictions on campaign contributions.  How, you ask, could anyone defend taking the brakes off a system that's already careening down the hill and heading toward a cliff?  Ah, you see, that's where the DeLay genius comes into play.

According to Tommy Boy, it isn't about buying Congress (as damn near everyone can plainly see); it's a "freedom of speech" issue.  See, if we limit how much big corporations can donate to election campaigns, we're stifling their ability to express their opinions.  Now do you get it?  All Exxon and Viacom and Johnson & Johnson want is the same chance to tell their side of the story that you SOB's have.  Would you damn citizens please stop hogging the ad space on the op-ed page of the New York Times and let a poor multinational corporation have a chance to speak its mind for once!

"More precisely described, what we know today as 'campaign finance reform' is simply an effort to have the government regulate and ration political discourse in America."  Wow, that's a mouthful, isn't it?  A mouthful of horseshit, but a mouthful nevertheless.

Um, is there any rational person who thinks that TimeWarner doesn't already have ample opportunity or resources to make its positions on various issues known?  They own the most popular magazines in the country, as well as a load of cable TV systems around the country; they can run all the ads espousing their positions that they want.  Yeah, let's spend Congress' time protecting multi-billion dollar corporations' "freedom of speech".  Puh-friggin'-leeze!  Hey, here's a radical idea--how about working to protect the rights of the people who elected you?

Campaign finance reform isn't about "rationing political discourse", shithead-- sorry, Congressman Shithead--it's about stopping the wealthy from BUYING LEGISLATORS!  You can tie a pretty bow on that steaming pile of manure you're trying to sell, Douchbag, but most of us will still see it for what it is--making excuses for corruption on an unprecedented scale. 

Hey, DeLay, if you're gonna be a friggin' whore, at least be man enough to admit it and stop hiding behind disingenuous idiotic interpretations of the First Amendment.  Even the girls who knock on the doors of the big rigs at truck stops in the dead of night are more honest about what they do for a living than you are.  If you ask 'em, they'll admit they're low-rent hookers; they don't call themselves "roving oral services providers".

Because you aren't man enough to look America in the eye and say, "I want to level with you.  I don't know the First Amendment from first base.  All I know is that I have a primo gig.  I make a hundred and a half a year with about 20 weeks of vacation a year and all the sneaky little perks I can handle," and because you aced the mayor of Philadelphia out of the "honor" this week, you, my lying, corrupt friend, are the Weasel of the Week.

 

 

HOME | ARCHIVE | EDITORIAL | WEASEL| CARTOON | NEWS/TALK | ADVERTISE
TERMS OF SERVICE & PRIVACY

web design Chriss Hight