"How Much Does Weasel Sell For On The Open
by The Cranky Media Guy
|Rep. Billy Tauzin
So, Firestone made some bad tires. Over 80 people have died
so far as a result of the bad tires going kerflooey. The
Republican-led Congress has flown into action (after leisurely
strolling back to work after their long summer vacation) and is
demanding answers, damn it.
At the risk of being labeled as a naysayer ('cause I really lie
awake at night worrying about that), let me be the first to
say that this is a load of sun-dried horse crap.
"Jeepers, Cranky Media Guy," you say, "isn't
having hearings like this into defective consumer products exactly
the kind of thing Congress should be doing?" You'd think
so, wouldn't you? See, the thing is, Congress is infested with
these phony "free market" Republican asswipes like Billy
Tauzin (who's running this charade in the House). It's their
avowed philosophy that government should not regulate or interfere
with business any more than is absolutely necessary. In other
words, let business do whatever it wants to; "market
forces" will decide whether the company sinks or swims.
It's already been said by some people on the Hill that Firestone
and Ford (on whose SUV's the defective tires were installed) broke
no laws by not informing the government about the problem when they
first discovered it. Um, if these Free Marketeers believe that
the government has no right to hold a company to any standards and
it was okay to withhold information about potentially lethal tires,
then what, exactly, is the point of the current hearings? Following
their philosophy, Congress has no right to scold these guys for
selling a dangerous product or to make any laws that would prohibit
that from happening in the future. Laissez faire, right?
So, what are the hearings all about, Congressman Tauzin?
It couldn't possibly be that you and your colleagues realize that
you've been labeled a do-nothing Congress and that, with an election
looming in the near future, you figured you'd score some points with
the public by wagging your collective finger in the face of the
executives from Firestone and Ford, could it? Nah, that can't
be it because, given the hands-off-business position you and your
fellow Republicans espouse, that would make you a gigantic
hypocrite. A gigantic hypocrite who is wasting tax dollars by
holding hearings that will accomplish exactly nothing in the final
analysis, by the way.
That "business friendly" stuff plays well when you're
shaking down the corporate types for campaign contributions, but it
takes guts to look into a TV camera and tell Mr. and Mrs. America
that it's a shame that 80-something people died because of crappy
tires, but you aren't going to do anything about it because you
think business should be "unshackled" from government
regulation. So, you betray the principles you say you believe
in and mount a show trial for the benefit of the yahoos back
Nice going, Billy. First, you and your pals on the Hill
embrace a self-serving philosophy that puts corporate profit ahead
of human life. Then when, as any reasonably intelligent person
could see it would, the crap finally hits the fan, you put on your
"concerned" face and pretend to give a rat's ass about the
lives cut short by your corporate pals' corner-cutting. I
wonder if it ever gets confusing, trying to remember which lie
you're telling under which circumstance. "What am I
today, the free marketer or the concerned Christian?"
Pick one, Billy. You can't have it both ways.
If you had anything in that empty sac between your legs, you'd
stop these stupid hearings and admit that it's your party's policy
of deregulating industry and cutting funding for enforcement
agencies that has created this situation. You and your fellow
weasels in Congress deliberately (and proudly) created the
atmosphere in which companies can willfully sell defective products,
Billy. If you were a man, you'd admit that. You're not,
though; you're a weasel, so you'll continue to do what weasels
always do: try to find someone else to blame things on when the shit
hits the fan.
There are many
weasels slithering around, messing up our world. We get to them -
one weasel at a time. Visit the Hall
of Shame section of The Crank Tank.
Comments or interview requests may be sent to the author