"Janet Reno: The Biggest Little Chump In
by The Cranky Media Guy
If Janet Reno isn't upping her medication to get her shaky mitts
under control long enough to strangle that backstabbing trailer
trash SOB she works for, she's dumber than I look. Ah, but
Let's backtrack a bit. There were rumors for years that
Chinese agents were stealing our nuclear secrets. Obviously,
something had to be done about this. Since our national
security agencies have have functioned with all the efficiency
of the Keystone Kops of late, there was only one thing to
do: find a scapegoat. And fast!
Along comes Wen Ho Lee, a Chinese-American scientist in the government's
employ. This guy had "sucker" written all over
him. The Justice Department, doing what it does best, came
up with some phony charges against the poor bastard and the next
thing he knows, he's in federal prison, shackled no less (because
he's such a menace to society, don't you know?)
In reality, the guy's about as dangerous as cotton candy, but
hey, he's CHINESE, right? I mean, doesn't that prove, right
there, that he's a double agent? They hold the guy for nine
months, during which time they manage to drag his reputation through
the mud. Finally, a federal judge takes a look at the "case"
and just about pops an aneurysm. To put it in layman's terms,
the government doesn't have squat to prove that the guy was involved
in espionage. They never even charged him with that in the
first case (although they sure tried to make it sound like they
The judge rips the Executive Branch a new asshole from the bench,
saying that they mistreated Lee. He apologizes to Mr. Lee,
saying that he was misled about the case by the Execs. Justice
drops 48 of the 49 charges against Lee but still claims that the
whole thing is a "great victory" for them. Yeah,
right, in the same sense that a baseball player who strikes out
48 out of 49 times at the plate is destined for Cooperstown, I
Now, you'd think that after going down in flames like that, the
Attorney General would have the grace to do the right thing and
apologize to Wen Ho Lee, too. Yeah, you'd think that, but
you'd be wrong. Despite all evidence to the contrary, Reno
still maintains that the case against Lee was solid and refuses
to apologize to the guy. Hey, Janet, didn't you ever hear
The Gambler by Kenny Rogers?
You gotta know when to hold 'em.
Know when to fold 'em.
Know when to walk away.
Know when to run.
I think the Coward of the County was trying to tell you something
in that little ditty (especially the second and third lines).
There is an odd kind of justice in this story, though.
Reno's boss, Bill Clinton, left her hanging out in the breeze
over this whole deal. Ignoring the fact that he is the head
of the very Executive Branch that the judge ripped in his little
rant, Bill made a statement about how the government was perhaps
a little overzealous in its pursuit of Wen Ho Lee.
You really have to give the guy credit. He's absolutely
shameless about saving his own skin. Here's Reno, who's
been loyal as Lassie to the intern boinker and because he's now
in Legacy Mode, he treats her like something the poodle left on
See how it works, Janet? You screw over Wen Ho Lee and
run interference for Billy-Bob and he repays the favor by making
you look like a big shaky fool in the press.
Loyalty is an admirable trait, Ms. Attorney General, but if the
person you swear it to is a weasel, well, that just makes you
a weasel AND a fool. You might want to write that down for
many weasels slithering around, messing up our world. We get to
them - one weasel at a time. Visit the Hall
of Shame section of The Crank Tank.
Comments or interview requests may be sent to the author