Chic-Fil-A

By The Cranky Media Guy

It's 4:35 AM Sunday morning and I'm eating Spam sandwiches (on rye bread).  You now probably realize that I'm pretty much pinning the needle on the White Trash O-Meter.  Sorry if you had a mental picture of me being served foie gras on a silver serving platter by a butler named Jeeves.  That ain't me, Bub.

Anyway, I'm eating Spam on rye, but I'm fantasizing about Chick-Fil-A, which is a little bit like Jimmy Carter "lusting in his heart", isn't it?  Sorry Spam.  I'd go to Chick-Fil-A for lunch later today if I could, but I can't because it's Sunday.  See, Truett Cathy, the guy who founded Chick-Fil-A, is a devout Christian who doesn't believe that it's right to conduct commerce on the Lord's Day, so all his locations are closed on Sunday.  It's kinda weird to walk through a mall on a Sunday and see that every other store is open, but the gate is down at the C-F-A.  Believe me, it's your loss, because Chick-Fil-A just might be the best fast food on God's green Earth.  Mr. Cathy might be a religious fanatic, but the man makes a hell of a chicken sandwich.

As near as I can tell, the secret seems to be that C-F-A cooks its boneless breast of chicken under pressure in peanut oil, but maybe that's just the cover story.  Maybe the "peanut oil" is really holy water or Frankenscense or myrrh.  I mean, what do I know about this stuff?  I do know that the standard sandwich is a nice chunk o' chicken on a roll with two pickle slices underneath it.  It's just yummy as all get out.  They also sell a lower-calorie grilled chicken sandwich, but that's for wusses and guys who have just had their second heart attack.  Stick with the original, Bro.

Oh, I didn't tell you what I know about the origin of the C-F-A sandwich.  Seems Pruett once owned a place called the Midget House Restaurant somewhere in Georgia where he worked up the formula for his chicken sandwich.  That's really about all I know and I only know that much because they print it on their bags.  The name "Midget House" still has an "R" in a circle next to it, so I guess Pruett held on to the trademark.  Good move, P.C.  Midget House is a pretty funny name.  You wouldn't want to lose that baby. 

Oh, I forgot something else I know about C-F-A.  Not too long ago, I read an article about Pruett Cathy and in it he said he wouldn't hire a guy who wore earrings.  The writer tried to pin him down about whether that was because he thought guys with earrings were gay.  Pruett kind of dodged the question, but I got the feeling we shouldn't expect him to be the keynote speaker at any gay rights rallies in the near future.   OK, so maybe he's a homophobe...but he makes great waffle fries!   Those are something of a specialty of the house and damn, if they aren't tasty.  They go real well with the chicken sandwich. 

To wash it all down, C-F-A has the usual assortment of sodas, but they're kind of big on lemonade, for some reason.  All drinks come with free refills, at least in the C-F-A near us.  Trouble is, the joint's so busy on a Saturday afternoon that you have to wait for one of the counter kids to have a moment to refill your cup.  I've seen people earn college degrees while waiting for a refill at the local C-F-A.

Here's how much I like Chick-Fil-A:  I used to work in Easton, Pennsylvania and on more than one occasion, I cheerfully drove to the nearest C-F-A location in a mall in Reading, about 50 miles away, just for lunch.  When I worked outside the White House in my stupid faux-George Washington costume, one day I spotted a tourist exiting the joint, wearing a Chick-Fil-A polo shirt.  I struck up a conversation with the man.  Turned out he worked at C-F-A Central in Georgia and knew the Great Man, Truett Cathy, himself.  The guy was so impressed with my knowledge of Chick-Fil-A trivia that he took my name and address and later sent me some coupons for free sandwiches.  See kids; sometimes, having a head full of useless information can pay off!

So, if you can find a Chick-Fil-A within a reasonable driving distance and you like fast food, GO! Maybe you could have some fun while you're there. Put in your ear studs and wear a button with a pink triangle on it and ask for a job application form.  See what happens.  Just remember, they ain't open on Sunday.  I give 'em three hats (for the food - their hiring policies caused me to deduct one).

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