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22 Apr |
AT THE RISK OF SEEMING IMMODEST… Publicity
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I’ve just figured something out. At the risk of seeming immodest, I’m WAY more creative than the people who run the “guerrilla marketing” companies whose websites I’ve seen on the Internet.
Sorry, geniuses, but hiring “street teams” via Craigslist is NOT cutting-edge. (For the uninitiated, “street teams” are attractive young people who walk around high-traffic areas and hand out fliers about their employer’s client. Yup, that’s it.) Illegally slapping up posters that look like street graffiti might have been a cool idea about ten years ago, but that ship’s sailed.
There are probably a million things I suck at, including intermediate algebra, but coming up with original creative ideas which can promote products and people’s careers isn’t one of them. About three weeks ago, I came up with an idea which is apparently going to be used by a young artist to promote his career. I can’t talk about it yet, but I’ll let you know if and when he actually does it and makes the news. Just yesterday, a friend asked me if I had an idea that could help a friend of his promote her diet book. Yes, I did have one as a matter of fact, a damn good one. If the author doesn’t go for it, she’s out of her friggin’ mind, it’s that good.
After looking at what passes for “guerrilla marketing” in America today, I decided on a new goal for my life. I want to become the King of Publicity Stunts. I don’t even want to call what I do “guerrilla marketing”; that’s a pretentious euphemism for good old fashioned publicity stunts. Let’s just call things what they are without the Web 2.0 nonsense, shall we?
So, who needs a good publicity stunt in their life? Any radio DJ’s out there who are getting overlooked by their corporate management? I feel your pain, I’ve been there. Any small retailers who need to get some press? Who are you, where are you? Holla at your boy (don’t you hate it when white guys try to be cool?)
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18 Apr |
iF YOU OWN ANY STOCK IN THIS “SPORT,” SELL! Pop Culture
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This is further proof that a lot of “experts” don’t have Clue One. This guy was a Big Time executive at HBO and he’s putting money into this basketball/trampoline hybrid, which has already failed once. Here’s my newest Rule of Business: if it couldn’t increase the audience on Spike Friggin’ TV last time it was tried, it’s a bad idea.
Hey, Mr. Albrecht, where did you get the idea that people are tired of the already existing sports? Personally, I’m not hearing guys saying that they’re bored with football, baseball, basketball (the normal kind that doesn’t involve trampolines, that is), hockey, lacrosse and foosball. Even if there is some disaffected audience jonesing for a new sport, what makes you think what they want is B-ball players not good enough for the NBA bouncing on trampolines and crashing into each other?
But maybe I’m wrong and this “SlamBall” will become a huge hit. And maybe monkeys will fly out of my ass. I hope you got a solid gold parachute from HBO when they canned you after you beat your girlfriend in that Vegas parking lot while you were on a bender, Mr. Albrecht. You’re gonna need it.
Ex-HBO Executive Stakes His Comeback on SlamBall
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20 Mar |
I’VE BEEN SAYING FOR YEARS NOW THAT… News
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I’ve been saying for years now that these “non-lethal” weapons you keep reading and seeing news stories about are NOT for deployment against people who wear funny-looking costumes in some other country where everybody rides to work on a camel but for protesters right here in the good ol’ US. of A.
I started thinking like that a few years back when I saw a commercial for the U.S. Army which talked about our soldiers as “peacekeepers” and showed them riding around in a tank-like conveyance. Funny thing: the streets the tank-looking thing was moving along looked more like an American ghetto than some place full of furriners. A little bell went off in my head. Lo and behold, I just read the following:
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19 Mar |
ONE BIG REASON WHY YOUR LOCAL TV NEWS IS SUCH BULLSHIT News
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Remember the news stories about iPorn a couple of years ago? Fake. Much of what makes the local and national news is fake. One “journalist” joked, “I’m off to do WhoreTV.” And it would be funnier if it weren’t true. No time for reporting about how the vice president said that he doesn’t care what the American people think. No time to mention that deaths are down in Iraq because the Pentagon, by its own admission, stopped counting a large percentage of killings. Nope, we can’t spare the precious seconds of airtime because we have that late breaking Jesus on driveway stain story to cover.
How local TV embraced fake news - Machinist - Salon.com
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28 Feb |
JESUS TOLD ME… News
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…to tell this asshole preacher to go fuck himself. It can’t be offensive to God ’cause His son told me to say it!
God hates tolerance, says official California chaplain.
An evangelical chaplain who leads Bible studies for California lawmakers says God is disgusted with a rival fellowship group that includes people of all faiths.
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