Grammy Shelter

by Will 'The Cranky Music Man' Golightly

The 2001 Grammy Award Ceremony was last Wednesday. Though there was an abundance of television to watch (Dawson's Creek, Temptation Island, ACC basketball, NBA...), I spent as much time as possible with the awards show. The reason for this is simple: Jon Stewart. He was this year's host, and he did a bang-up job, including some ill-advised jokes at Eminem's expense. But I haven't heard any reports of Grammy violence, so Mr. Stewart must be okay.

Madonna opened the show with a performance of "Music" from her most recent album. She was accompanied on stage by big shiny Limo or Cadillac or something. I hope Jon Stewart appreciates what she did for him. The only thing worse than telling funny jokes to a room full of bored industry suits sitting with their arms crossed is writhing about on a prop car in front of said audience. Though the host was unusually funny, as soon as Heather Locklear and Kid Rock took the stage to give away the first award of the broadcast, it became clear that this was the same old routine. With all the naturalness of a 1970's variety show, the night's presenters traded "jokes" and stared uncomfortably at the teleprompter. Sonny and Cher couldn't have been more stilted.

I was rooting for Macy Gray all night. I admit I haven't even heard her album yet, but she of the big hair looks so strung out on drugs that one never knows what she might do. That night, unfortunately, she didn't do much at all. After taking the Best Female Pop Vocal award, she sat quietly in her seat until performing her single "I Try" later that evening. Besides a little trouble navigating the stairs on the stage and a laughing fit at the end of the song, the performance was pretty good, though a bit shaky. I mean that literally.

The most surprising story of the night was U2's cleaning up with their single "Beautiful Day". I didn't know the world still cares, but then again I thought Steely Dan were dead, so what do I know? "Beautiful Day" won Song Of The Year and Record Of The Year. It was produced by Brian Eno and Daniel Lanois, with help from Steve Lillywhite. So in hindsight maybe they were less a long shot than I thought. Okay, I admit it: I didn't really spend anytime thinking about them at all. But it was still a little surprising.

And that's the best the Grammys can do: it was a little surprising. All that's left to do the day after the show is wonder what the hell the difference is between Record Of The Year, Album Of The Year, Best Pop Vocal Album, Best Traditional Pop Vocal Album, and all the other strange delineations they make in order to put as many "Grammy Award winning..." stickers on as many different CDs as possible, thus boosting sales over the next few months. Good work, guys.