Sex And Violence

by Will 'The Cranky Music Man' Golightly

I'm sorry for being tardy this week. Technical difficulties combined with inclement weather and mind-numbing depression after the Duke-Carolina game is my feeble excuse. The end result is that I'm writing this week's column on good ol' spiral notebook paper. Four sentences in and I've already splattered my lunch all over it-- so it goes. I feel like I'm doing some real rock journalism today: eating ramen, drinking beer from the can and scrawling in a ratty notebook. When exactly did college ruled lines get so narrow?

I'm sorry to shatter the illusion that I lie around all day chatting on the phone with pop stars and eating caviar off naked groupies. Well, I suppose I could get some of The Cranky Media Guy's cast-offs, but I have SOME pride, after all. And ramen is a pretty complex meal: Is it soup or is it noodles? Anything that needs two utensils (even if it costs 18 cents per package) is pretty fancy, if you ask me. Perhaps this is why God invented sporks.

This life may not be glamorous, but it's a hell of a lot safer than hip-hop. Hot on the heels of Puff Daddy's trial, Lil' Kim has been involved in a shooting. Outside New York radio station Hot 97, where she was doing some promotion or something of that sort, 21 bullets were fired from five different weapons, according to police. The event occurred after Capone, of rap group Capone-N-Noriega, arrived at the radio station as Lil' Kim was leaving. Lil' Kim's arch-enemy (no, really!), Foxy Brown, made some unpleasant remarks about her on Capone-N-Noriega's single "Bang Bang". The shooting broke out after Kim entered her limo and was driven off. Unfortunately, video tape from a nearby security camera shows several men suspected of taking part in the shooting jumping into the limo as it sped away from the radio station.

Speaking of unsavory matters caught on tape, Hustler Video (yes, THAT Hustler) has released the cleverly titled "Snoop Dogg's Doggystyle". If you haven't guessed yet, this video is a combination music video collection and porno. And it was shot in Snoop's home! I don't remember anything like that in Snoop's episode of MTV's Cribs. It turns out there's already enough footage in the can for a sequel-- no Stanley Kubrick he-- so if any of you want to get in on the future of music video you'd better act fast. Now if only I could get my hands on a video camera and some of The Cranky Media Guy's groupies...