There is a news site and it is called Music365; they have shaken
my world to its very core. Courtney Love is writing her memoirs.
The rumor around town is that she has inked a deal with an actual
publishing company. She may have seen a lot in her life thus far.
Certainly dating Billy Corgan is a harrowing experience by anyone's
standards, but not since Britney Spears's autobiography (co-written
by her mother) have we been faced with such an absurd prospect. And
yet we at CMG have gone that extra mile just for you. With a minimum
of dumpster rummaging, here are some excerpts from Ms. Love's book.
You can thank me later.
*****
It was my big break! Hole's first
album was about to be released. We called it Pretty On The Inside,
which was ironic, because, like, we didn't feel pretty at all. Get
it? To top it all off, I wore these fabulous baby doll dresses in
pink. That was ironic too, because I was neither a baby nor a doll.
And, like, we had a song on the album called "Baby Doll",
which was more of the same, really. I knew then that we were headed
nowhere. I needed a husband.
*****
So finally I convinced Kurt Cobain
that it would be a totally great idea to get married. We'd be like
the king and queen of grunge. And maybe my band would start to sell
a few records.
It worked. People started listening
to what I had to say, yet it still wasn't enough. I knew that my
band wasn't nearly good looking enough. But that would have to wait.
First we needed to have a baby!
*****
Frances was a healthy baby girl. At
first I was a little irritated that people believed I had been on
heroin during the pregnancy; but then I realized that if it weren't
for that, they might not be talking about me at all. Kurt loved
Frances dearly and so did I, but I had reservations. I mean, it's
tough for a woman in this society. It totally bummed me out. Then
Kurt died. That was even more lame.
*****
With Kurt dead, there was a void at
the top of the grunge heap. For the next in line, my money was Billy
Corgan. He did a version of Landslide with his band, Smashing
Pumpkins, and it set me in the right direction. The next day I
bought my first designer dress, got some awesome Farrah Fawcett-style
wings and told everyone how much I always loved Fleetwood Mac.
*****
I was single again, and the world
was quickly passing me by. Hole's second album came out only a
couple weeks after Kurt's death, and that kept us a topic of
conversation for a little while. But then I started to slip from the
public's consciousness. I was so upset I didn't know what to do. So
I decided to get into movies!
I'd dabbled in movies before, don't
get me wrong. That idiot Alex Cox wouldn't cast me as Nancy in Sid
And Nancy, he just gave me a bit part. I was so totally made for
that part. I mean, a trashy, heroin addicted, famous person's
girlfriend? Puh-leeze!
Finally a part came up that was
perfect for me: the trashy, heroin addicted, ex-stripper girlfriend
in The People vs. Larry Flynt.
The Op Ed Piece
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