"Katherine Harris, Queen of Darkness"

by The Cranky Media Guy

Katherine Harris

It's kind of hard to single any one person out as being particularly weasel-y in this whole presidential election mess, but that's our job, so single out we must. So we look and look around for someone deserving and who to our wondering eye should appear, but Florida Secretary of State, Katherine Harris.

To be sure, it's not as if anyone in this whole sorry mess has covered themselves in glory, but Harris has managed to paint herself as the Grinch Who Tried to Steal the Election.

The Republicans wanted to shut down the count as soon as Bush was one chad ahead of Gore; the Democrats want to keep counting until everybody in America is driving an electric scooter at Del Boca Vista. It sure would be nice if an official like a Secretary of State would act in an impartial manner. Yup, and it would be nice if nickels shot out of my ass on a regular interval, too. In other words, ain't gonna happen.

If Harris, Mary Kay's best customer and worst nightmare, intended to set herself up as Partisan Number One, she did a dandy job. She made it clear right from Jump Street that she was in Dubya's corner. Way to serve the public interest, Morticia (which is reportedly her staff's real behind-her-back nickname for her).

Someone should explain to Katy-poo how the game is played. You're supposed to at least pretend that you're playing it right down the middle. You shouldn't allow your office e-mail to be used for sending out anti-Gore jokes and make public statements that clearly indicate which way you lean.

Maybe you think that Harris should get points for not concealing her partisanship. Nope. All she accomplished was to make herself the most obvious weasel in the pack. Besides, her "honesty" might just be a way to draw attention to herself in a pathetic attempt to get her boy George to give her a gig if and when he finally wins Chadfest 2000. Maybe she can become ambassador to Transylvania where she'd feel more at home among others of her own kind.

This current notoriety must be a mixed blessing for Elvira, er, Harris. On the one hand, she's getting the attention she obviously wanted; on the other, she has to risk coming out of her coffin into the world of daylight. That could be fatal for her.

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